Category Archives: old self

     Upon coming to the stark realization that we have been duped and deceived–especially in the deeper matters of the heart–we tend to throw the proverbial baby out with the bath water.  How could I have been such a fool? we ask ourselves, and then we turn our back on the offending entity.

     Burned by a woman, a man can become bitter and cynical towards women in general, looking at the entire gender as if they all were like the one that hurt him.  Of course, it can work both ways.

     The same scenario can happen in a religious sense.  It happened to me.  I was raised by a mother who took me to church and taught me Bible verses.  Mom and Dad took us to church.  But the things spoken by the preacher–those things of hope, love, and joy in God–these things were not happening in my home life.  Dad and Mom could not get along.  The fussing and fighting led to a divorce.

     The brunt of all this came crashing down on me at 11 years of age.  “Uh, son.  Your mother is leaving today with your sister.  We are going to leave it up to you.  Which one of us do you want to live with?

     “What?”  I stood there in shock.  Just yesterday, my name was in the newspaper on top of the standings, the Little League Baseball’s leading hitter–the batting champ!  Known and loved by all.  And now my Mom is moving out and I’ve got to choose which one to be loyal to basically.  I mean, this is 1958, for crying out loud.  It’s supposed to be like a Leave it to Beaver type family.

     So I looked at Mom, standing there clutching my 8 year old sister, and I looked at Dad, standing there resolute, firm-jawed, justified in his ossified stand, and not wanting Dad to be alone, I chose to stay with Dad.

     And that was the last time I went to a church house for several years.  Ten years later at 21, right after I got back from Vietnam, I started in earnest my quest for the truth–about God, about world affairs, about everything–but I did not go back to the denominational churches.  I turned first to the major Eastern religions.  But I did not find in them what I knew was true even then, in that the old self had to die.  The old nature that we are born with was selfish and it needed to go.  But nowhere in the Eastern religions is this problem directly addressed.

     I began to drift into nihilism’s abyss of nothingness, and had the sickening thought that the truth was this: that there was no absolute truth. 

     And it was then when I was 24, that I was invited to a Christian meeting in a home.  And the man teaching from the Bible quoted Romans 6:6.  “Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with Christ…”  And I stopped him right there and asked, “Is it talking about getting rid of the old self–about the old ego dying?”

     And he said, yes, that it has already died on the cross with Christ along with all its sins and sinning nature.  And if you believe in Christ’s resurrection in you, you can be raised to walk in a newness of life.

     And I went, Wow!  This is life changing.  This is what I’ve been searching for.  And that very day started a 14 year missionary period in my life. 

     I see now that for those ten years I had turned my back on Christianity and the Bible, blaming God for my misery.  I had thrown out the baby (Christ) with the bathwater (my pain).   But God is merciful and loving and forgiving, and He led me back to Him.     Kenneth Wayne Hancock

{If you want to read more on the “cross experience” and other things, check out my website where I have my two books posted in their entirety.   That website is   YahwehIstheSavior.com    My books can be ordered at amazon.com}